Why do men not call when they say they're going.

Why do men not call when they say they're going
to?

  Let's go over the possible reasons for this, as
I know how men's minds' often work.

  There's a lot to learn from each, so let's see
which ones ring true for you...

  And while you're reading each of these, see if
you can figure out what each one of these
situations has in common.

Why Men Don't Call: Situation #1

  Some men are too immature to be honest and
straight-forward with a woman

  Sometimes men are just being dumb and giving
themselves ego strokes by flirting with you, even
though they never really thought they'd call.

  But they get your number anyway to feel good
and to have it "just in case" they got some random
urge or reason to call you in the future.

  Plus, getting a woman's number is a kind of
"trophy" to show to other immature men.

Why Men Don't Call: Situation #2

  They were just looking for a hook-up and you
weren't "fling" material (which is a good thing,
unless that's all you're looking for).

  Often times men think they just want a woman to
be "physical" with.

  If you're out at a club or a bar and you meet a
man, often times he'll have "hooking up" on his
mind.

  Duh, right!?

  If you meet a guy like this and, in his eyes,
you're the girl he'd bring home to mom, then you
might not be the girl he'll want to spend his time
with... at least for the near future.

  But in spite of this, he takes your number, in
case he gets the crazy foreign idea in his head
that he'd actually want a great girl for a real
relationship.

  And guess what?

  He doesn't come to that realization for a very
long time - so he doesn't call.

  I'm not saying it makes sense, but that's how
some men operate.

  And in a strange way, men who do this are doing
you a favor at that time in their life.

  The timing wasn't right.

Why Men Don't Call: Situation #3

  They thought they were being "polite" by
getting your number, even though they never felt
like calling

  Have you ever given your number to a man who
asked for it, meanwhile you were already dreading
his call and wishing inside that you had given him
a fake number?

  Exactly...

  And I know it sucks to think about this, but
have you ever thought that the tables could be
turned?

  See... if men enjoy their conversations with
you but aren't that interested, they sometimes
feel a polite "obligation" to get your number.

  It's a kind of way to end the interaction on a
positive note... even though they never really
thought about if they intended to call you.

  I know it sucks, but men aren't often up front
and assertive either when it comes to the opposite
sex.

Why Men Don't Call: Situation #4

  They were interested in you at first, but after
a little while they started to feel like something
was "off"... maybe even after they got your
number.

  And while you were trying so hard to create
random reasons for you to see each other again and
to not have a guy get your number and not call
again, they could sense your subtle fear and
discomfort.

  And so the attraction and connection they had
just started feeling with you changed and was
"broken."

Why Men Don't Call: Situation #5

  They lost your number or forgot to call.

   Ok, now let me ask you...

  Did you figure out what each of these
situations has in common?

  I'll give you a hint:

  It has something to do with your feelings.

  Give up?

  There are 2 things actually.

  First off, none of them have ANYTHING to do
with you being a "loser", like you mentioned.

  See, the fascinating thing is that in each of
these situations, it's YOUR CHOICE to make the
MEANING out of them that you want.

  Unfortunately, it seems like the meaning you've
chosen to make has been NEGATIVE.

  In other words, you've actually started to
criticize yourself and think even more negatively
because two guys didn't pick up the phone and
punch in your number.

  Talk about a way to make sure you keep screwing
up and feeling bad about your love life.

  And worse, men can actually sense these things
when you meet them and will instantly categorize
you as a woman that they don't want to be around
if you've got that freaked out, negative, over-
attachment to the casual conversation you're
having with them.

  Here's the second thing each of these
situations has in common...

  Of the ones that don't involve men just being
weird or "unavailable" for more than a casual
fling, there's a common theme going on.

  They weren't FEELING ATTRACTION.

  See, there's something I don't think you see
you're doing here...

  You seem to know about an important concept
when it comes to men - teasing and throwing in
certain kinds of "challenges" to attract their
interest and attention.

  But... there's a huge difference between
KNOWING what these things are and actually DOING
them.

  The thing is, almost all women KNOW that they
SHOULD tease and excite a man to dial up his
interest.

  But when it comes to actually doing these
things in a fun, consistent, and exciting way,
they fall short.

  Why?

  Because who wants to bother?

  And isn't it better for someone to just like
you for you?

  Maybe.

  But what if there's a real and genuine "you"
that men just need some help to see with so much
other stuff going on?

  And what if you're hiding that away because of
your frustrations from the past or fears about
what might happen in the present?

  Here's a radical thought...

  With things not going exactly how you want them
to go with your love life - imagine if you
actually changed a few of YOUR everyday patterns
of behavior with men to try and get a few
different results.

  What are the odds that part of the common
denominator here is YOU, and not that all men have
the exact same problem or issue with calling back?

  Would it be too much to ask that you at least
try a few different things that were outside of
your "natural" comfort zone of what you've always
done or what makes sense to you?

  I don't think so... and you sound more than
open to it and have a positive attitude.

  So let's talk about what those patterns are
that you need to break, and what to try instead
that WORKS with men.

CREATING "REASONS" FOR A MAN TO CALL YOU BACK

  Your email lets me know that you already "get"
some of what to do, like teasing and challenging,
but that you don't quite know yet how to put it to
work in your dating life.

  Let's change that.

  Here's how...

  You need to start creating exciting reasons for
a man to want to see you again.

  I'll repeat that so you hear it again and take
the time to let it sink in...

  You need to start creating EXCITING REASONS for
a man to WANT to see you again.

  I'll give you a minute to think about what that
means...

  Ok, come back.

  There's something lots of single women do when
they meet guys and want to see them again.

  And it makes it so that the man isn't very
interested or excited to reconnect with the woman
afterwards.

  It's when a woman tries to come up with any old
reason under the sun to "reconnect" with a man,
not realizing how important the "reason" actually
is.

  It usually goes something like this...

  Woman meets man.

  Man and woman start to connect.

  They talk about "interesting" stuff and the
woman becomes interested in the man.

  The man enjoys the conversation and talking to
the woman, who's a great person and seems
attractive.

  The woman feels a connection and assumes that
he must feel it too since it's there.

  The man asks for her number and she kind of
"lets down her guard" and becomes very friendly
with him and feels comfortable.

  The woman then starts talking about the things
that they can do together when they see each other
next, based on the conversational topics they had.

  The man's attraction, intrigue and interest in
the woman suddenly drops off.

  End of story.

  So what happened here?

  In short, the woman stopped doing the things
she was "naturally" and subconsciously doing at
first that made the man feel attracted to her and
instead, started treating him like a sort of "best
friend."

  A friend of mine has a name for this...

  The "super-sized friend approach."

  This approach is usually followed up by offers
to do favors, run errands, or give gifts.

  Translation - ZERO ATTRACTION.

  And it's further destroyed by trying any
excuse, no matter how mundane, to make future
plans together.

  See what's happening here?

  And yeah, there's always exceptions to the
rules.

  Women who are so naturally attractive to men,
physically and "socially", can and do take the
more casual and friendly approach... and it works
great for them.

  But we're not talking about those situations.

  We're talking about the situations where things
unfortunately don't fall into place so
effortlessly.

  Ok, so back to creating "reasons" that actually
get men to call back.

  Let's start by talking about why the "reason"
is so important... and then we'll get into a
specific example.

  The "reason" you create for a man to reconnect
with you is important because it builds the entire
CONTEXT and MEANING in a man's mind of how he
thinks about you after he leaves...

  That reason you give is a large part of what
determines, in his mind, HIS reason for calling
(or not calling).

  So here's how to create great "reasons" with a
man...

  First off, stop making future plans with men
for first dates around things that are BORING,
everyday, and PREDICTABLE.

  Yes, trips to Europe can be fascinating, cool,
sophisticated, cultural and all kinds of great
things.

  And yeah, talking about Europe, travel, sites,
art history, etc. can interest a man
intellectually.

  And I have to admit that traveling to Europe
has involved some of the most romantic moments of
my life.

  These are great things to talk about with a man
in random conversations.

  But guess what?

  Planning a man's trip with a man is NOT going
to make him FEEL those romantic feelings with you
just because you've become his travel guide.

  Planning travel can be looked at as a kind of
chore for some people... especially men.

  In other words, you could hope that the romance
of Venice or Florence rubs off on you somehow
through some magic "transference" as you talk
about them...

  Or...

  You could start doing the things that will make
him FEEL ATTRACTED and romantically interested in
YOU.

  With me here?

  Good.

  You've got to remember...

  Attraction isn't created by "logic."

  A man doesn't talk to a woman about Europe and
become fascinated and sexually charged by her
knowledge of the Duomo, the Sistine Chapel or the
fine wines of France's Bordeaux region.

  **NEWSFLASH**

  Attraction doesn't take place when a man thinks
inside his mind, "Gee, she's smart, cultured, well
traveled, etc., I think I'm going to feel
attracted to her."

  That's not how it works at all... just like
that's not how you become interested and attracted
in men.

  It's MUCH more subconscious.

  Think chemistry.

  Can a man "reason" with you so that you feel
ATTRACTION or CHEMISTRY with him?

  Didn't think so.

  But he can DO things that will make you FEEL
ATTRACTION, even if you're not really "choosing"
to be attracted to him.

  Well, the same is true for a man who's just
meeting you...

  And sure, the things that are "logically
attractive" like travel in Europe don't hurt...
but they're really just window-dressing for the
things that are going on underneath the surface in
our minds and emotions.

  What makes a man feel attracted is the
EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE he has that a woman creates
with him or guides him to.

  Attraction is a largely SUBCONSCIOUS FEELING
that comes in response to the unexpected, the
unpredictable, and the things that can't help but
draw us in to connect in an emotional way.

  So let's land the plane here...

  If you want a man to call back, give him a
"reason" that's interesting, unpredictable, fun,
etc.

  But most importantly, it's got to be a reason
that will make him FEEL ATTRACTION for you.

  If you do something less predictable, like tell
him,

  "Hey, since you're going to Europe, if you're
good I'll tell you a few secrets about what makes
the French such great lovers... or great cooks...
whichever you're more curious about..."

  Now that's sure to get a man's attention... and
keep it so that he'll call you back.

  Notice that this still says everything you want
to say to a man about wanting to connect with him
again.

  But it does it in a fun, interesting, teasing,
challenging and unpredictable way that keeps him
thinking about you and guessing.

  And it does it WITHOUT making him feel that
you're desperate to make sure that he's going to
call you - or that you're just trying the "super-
sized friend approach."

  There's one other thing that's important that
you asked too...

  "Should I just not accept that he tells me he's
going to call?"

  Great question.

  Here's the thing...

  It's important for you to have "boundaries"
with men.

  It's important for your own good, to help him
know what's fair game and what isn't and to lay
some constructive framework for a future
relationship.

  A key step in every growing relationship is to
communicate what your personal boundaries are so
that the other person can learn to respect them.

  But, in situations where you don't even know
the person very well, it's not as simple as just
laying it out there.

  So... it's also important that you don't
communicate these boundaries in a pushy, weird,
needy, overly-sensitive way where men will
instantly pull away from you.

  I know, I know... for lots of women this sounds
like a contradiction.

  When they hear it they'll think...

  "You mean I'm supposed to be "unpredictable"
and create attraction, but I'm also supposed to be
assertive enough to communicate my boundaries."

  "This is too much hassle... I just want to be
me, and if a guy doesn't like it, then tough!"

  It's no surprise that a lot of the women with
this attitude (and men) are single and home alone
on Friday nights watching David Letterman.

  And wonder why their relationships just seem to
fall apart after a while... over and over.

  The truth is, communicating boundaries and
creating attraction with a man are NOT mutually
exclusive activities.

  AND... if you know how, these kinds of
situations can become AMAZING OPPORTUNITIES to
create attraction and GROWTH between you and a
man.

  If you know how to communicate with a man in
the right way, you can get the response that you
want (attraction) AND communicate a clear message.

  Which in your case might be for him to respect
your boundaries by calling if he says he's going
to call.

  But if you don't get the subtle specifics of
how to communicate with a man this way, then often
times you'll come off as pushy or "bitchy" like
lots of other women do when they try to assert
boundaries early on with men.

  Try saying something like this in a semi-
serious way but with a smirk on your face...

  "You know, I might just decide to give you my
number, but I'm not sure if you're the right kind
of guy yet - because I'm VERY PICKY and I only
give my number out to guys that A) have their act
together and B) are smart enough to know what
they're missing if they don't call."

  And then write down your number and hold it out
for him to grab.

  But when he reaches for it, pull it away from
his hand a little bit so he misses it...

  Then keep teasing him and ask him again with a
wry smile on your face...

  "Well, do you have your act together? Because I
really don't have time for boys that don't
call..."

  This kind of thing will drive a man CRAZY and
triggers a deep level attraction response - that's
not just a "physical" thing.