First impressions count

So if you plan responses to possible situations, you’ll come across poised, pleasant and polite.

Picture this. You’re shopping in a department store and a salesman comes up to you and asks: “Can I help you?”
You may have a very definite idea of what you want. Still, it’s still nice to be asked. But it becomes boring, even irritating, if you get pestered.
Similarly, when you meet someone for the first time, you should offer him or her help to judge you.
I don’t mean you should ask them if they need your help. Making judgments about people is different from buying cosmetics or computers.
But your body language signals should tell them that you are willing, even eager, to give them information.

How do you welcome people when you first meet them?
• Do you keep a straight face and approach them cautiously? (You never know what their agenda is, do you?)
• Do you welcome them with a smile? (Maybe that would send the wrong signal?)
• Do you avoid eye contact so that you make no commitment until you are more certain of them?
• Do you ignore them and continue talking to someone else?
Smiles are not always easy, but they do have the advantage of being cheap. You can teach yourself to smile.
A smile when you first meet someone is the way to tell him or her you are “open for friendship”. Any other response to being introduced is wrong.
What about being cautious, then? What about natural “reserve”?

Question: What do you want from someone you meet for the first time?

Answer 1: You want them to like you.
Liking is the first step in establishing true contact with another person. It is the secret of the good salesman, the good counsellor, the good doctor.
Liking is the first stage to admiration. If you are not liked, you have not reached the starting post of life. (Anyone who tells you that he does not want to be liked is either nuts or lying.)

Answer 2: You want them to be willing to help you, if necessary. Now or later.
Life is a system of mutual support. It is normally strongest between spouses or partners; next, between family members. But in a global village, everyone must be willing to offer support to everyone else.

Answer 3: You want them to think well of you.
At the very least, you want them not to dislike you. No point in making more enemies in this world; there are enough of them already without adding to the list.
A stranger makes a judgement about you the instant he meets you. It is always possible that he may change his mind, but it is quite rare for him to do so.
Once he has made the initial judgement, he looks for signs that confirm it. He has to be very convinced that he was wrong to change his mind.
Like it or not, that initial judgement is made on the basis of how you dress, how you walk, how you hold yourself, how your face looks, what you are doing with your hands, how you shake hands.
If you walk into someone’s office for the first time and drop your briefcase, bend over to pick it up, lose the spectacles off your nose and the pen out of your pocket and accidentally spill the contents of your briefcase, the person meeting you will conclude that you are clumsy and not very cool.
On the other hand, if you drop your briefcase, leave it on the floor, smile, say “clumsy”, walk over to the person you are meeting and shake him by the hand, introduce yourself and then carefully retrieve your briefcase, he will think you are very cool and not at all fazed by the minor accident.
Not everyone has the presence of mind to think quickly.
How often have we said to ourselves: “I wish I’d thought of a smart reply to so-and-so.” If you’d said it at once, it would have been effective. Say it later, and it sound like what it is — an afterthought.
If, like me, you are not too quick-thinking, it is essential to work out the responses to likely situations before they arise.
There is a simple way to do this. Imagine finding yourself in an unfamiliar situation. Think through each stage and what might happen. Then think of your response.

If you want to do this systematically, make a “map” like this:

WHAT I’M DOING: Sitting quietly in a café, enjoying a cup of coffee and reading a magazine.
WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN: A stranger comes up and greets me like a long-lost friend.
MY REAL REACTION: Who on earth is this?
MY OPTIONS: Ask who the person is.
Smile and repeat my own name.
Apologise and say “Sorry, I can’t immediately remember your name”.
Say “I’ve never met you in my life”.
Say “Sorry, I’m busy right now; catch you later”.
Offer him/her a seat at my table.
Ignore him/her and continue reading my book.
Tell him/her to go away.
Pretend to see a friend across the café and leave the table.
Say “I’m waiting for friend/spouse/brother…”
These options are not mutually exclusive, of course. You could have several reactions, in a chain.
The point is, if you have already thought them out once, they will come to the surface immediately you find yourself in the situation.
If you have not thought them out, you will probably fumble for a response and maybe feel a little foolish. And maybe give the wrong response.
So think about how you can help people meeting you for the first time. And above all, smile. It’ll make their day as well as yours.