The 5 minute interview with Clarissa Elizabeth Wong

If I weren't talking to you right now, I'd be...

Watching reruns of "Little Britain " and "Supernanny" and trying to enuanciate each word and follow Andy's every movement. Each episode of 'Little Britain', I learnt about an internal organ, disease or an unpronounceable medical word. You just never know when you'll need it for Scrabble.

A phrase I use far too often is...
"How much is this ? " and "Fuck off ". I mean all of them but get teased about using them too much.

I wish people would take more notice of...
World Aids Day. An awareness and communication are two of the ways we can stop this disease.

The most surprising thing that happened to me...
Was chatting up with Steven Lim from Singapore Idol .

A common misperception of me is...
That woman with big breasts don't have brains. Luckily, I have both. Its just that i am humble and i don't want to make you feel stupid. Duh !

I'm not a politician but...
I'd like to be. I'd like to be a politician so that people felt glad they'd voted for because they see results that benefit them personally.

I'm good at...

folding paper aeroplanes.

But I'm very bad at...
talking to those cocks.

The ideal night out is...
One that includes a yacht with dinner comprising of delicious French and /or European finest food.Which means it has to have Italy truffles , caviar and smoked salmon and free flow of Fruit Punch. Hey , i am not cheap !

In a moment of weakness I...

i agreed to come back to work on Saturday .


That's me.

Best regards,
Clarissa Elizabeth Wong
July 2007

Bart Simpson Blackboard punishment

Blackboard punishment

Since I have a ton of homework and coursework to do, I have just listed the funnest backboard lines that Bart writes as there are over 200 episodes

I will not instigate revolution
I will not draw naked ladies in class
I did not see Elvis
I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom
They are laughing at me, not with me
I will not encourage others to fly
I will not belch the National Anthem
I will not sell land in Florida
High explosives and school don't mix
I will not bribe Principal Skinner
Underwear should be worn on the inside
The Christmas Pageant does not stink
I will not torment the emotionally frail
I will not carve gods
I will not barf unless I'm sick
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
I will not conduct my own fire drills
Funny noises are not funny
I will not spin the turtle
I will not snap bras
I will not fake seizures
This punishment is not boring and pointless
My name is not Dr. Death
I will not bring sheep to class
A burp is not an answer
Teacher is not a leper
The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
I will not call the principal "spud head"
Goldfish don't bounce
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
No one is interested in my underpants
I will not sell miracle cures
I will return the seeing-eye dog
I will not charge admission to the bathroom
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
There are plenty of businesses like show business
I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
Beans are neither fruit nor musical
I will not send lard through the mail
I will not dissect things unless instructed
Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
I will not strut around like I own the place
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
I do not have power of attorney over first graders
Nerve gas is not a toy
I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
The First Amendment does not cover burping
"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
No one wants to hear from my armpits
I am not a lean mean spitting machine
The boys room is not a water park
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
I am not certified to remove asbestos
I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten
I am not my long-lost twin
I will not hide the teacher's Prozac
I will not lie in front of the school bus with ketchup on my face
A fire drill does not demand a fire
There was no Roman god named "Fartacus"
Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related
Shooting paintballs is not an art form
My butt does not deserve a website
"butt.butt" is not my E-mail address
"The President did it" is not an excuse
It does not suck to be you
I have neither been there nor done that
Fridays are not "pants optional"
I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize
I won't not use no double negatives
I can't see dead people
My suspension was not "mutual"
A belch is not an oral report
Dodgeball stops at the gym door
"Non-Flammable" is not a challenge
I was not touched "there" by an angel
I am not here on a fartball scholarship
I will not dance on anyone's grave
I cannot hire a substitute student
I will not obey the voices in my head
I will not surprise the incontinent
I was not the sixth Beatle
I will only provide a urine sample when asked
Science class should not end in tragedy
I will not "let the dogs out"
I will not hide the teacher's medication
The hamster did not have "a full life"
I will not flush evidence
I should not be twenty-one by now (He would be 21 in the 12th season if he was 10 in the first season, which ended in 1990, and he aged normally)

Established August 2001 ©Copyright H. Bedford. All Rights Reserved.

Things

Things you never get is always the best and the most perfect.

People you can't have is always the one you regret not having.

Sweet memory was yesterday it becomes a knife today.

I am so beautiful and don't hate me

---------------------------------------


1. What swear word do you use the most?

ShitBollocksTitsArse, all in one breath. I don't use anything more provocative unless I really really need to make a point.

2. Do you own an iPod?

Nope...not a big fan of Apple products...It's crap anyway. Everyone knows Creative Zen is better...I am expecting to receive an MP3 player at some point of time though.

3. Who on your MySpace Top 8 do you talk to the most?

I'm really slow when it comes to keeping up with my messages.

4. What time is your alarm clock set for?

5.00am during the week...I don't set an alarm for the weekends unless I need to be doing something important and my dog is my alarm clock. He will bark when the newspaper delivery ugly guy comes .And i know that is 5.00am .


5. What color is your room?

Erm...just let me scrape the dirt off them walls to find out...Hehe...Actually, it's really a prwetty room. I am hoping to get my own place soon, and haven't quite decided on the colours yet. But don't start panicking, I have impeccable taste!

6. Flip-flops or sneakers?

Depends on what I'm wearing...Both are equally comfy..I much prefer sexy shoes/ heels.I have like a 3 cupboards of bags and shoes .

7. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?

I am veyr photogenic so that 'll be me in the picture . Thanks and me on the posters and the billboards too.

8. What was the last movie you watched?

Harry Potter . It was so boring that i fell asleep in the cinema and wasted my $9.50...

9. Do any of your friends have children?

Yeap and they loved me.

10. Has anyone ever called you lazy?

Moi? Lazy? Never!!!

11. Do you ever take medication to make you fall asleep faster?

No .never.

12. What CD is currently in your CD player?

Travis and Linkin Park .

13. Do you prefer regular milk or chocolate milk?

Both, so long as they are full-fat and creamy!

14. Has anyone told you a secret this week?

I've heard a few things I prolly shouldn't repeat on pain of death...

15. Have you ever given someone a hickey?

Yes.

16. Who was the last person to call you?

Me breast friend , Fiza.

17. Do you think people talk about you behind your back?

You've got to be pretty naive to believe that never happens...Basically, if someone bitches about other people behind their backs, they're prolly doing the same to you too. Having said that, most of my close friends would never say anything behind my back they wouldn't dare say to my face (and vice versa)...That's why they're me chums!

18. Did you watch cartoons as a child?

I still do!!! LOL

19. How many siblings do you have?

A brother 7 years younger than me, and several honourary sisters by virtue of very strong friendship.

20. Are you shy around the opposite sex?

I can pretend to be .

21. What movie do you know every line to?

None.Could have been Trainspottting perhaps but i just don't stand Irvine Welsh Edinburgh 's accent. It's like this : " Tie readin' hs boks ard ya wil' know wy tad wat her writs annd ya 'be ' havic aar hard timny readin' it ya ! i hadd to writt evy liner to unnstod wat he was tryer to sayer. "

22. Do you own any band t-shirts?

Um does Hashish count as a band t-shirt ??but if anyone wants t-shirts designing, I'm the woman for the job!

23. What is your favorite salad dressing?

I love my Balsamic vinegar with goat cheese, garlic croutons ,Blue Cheese, Honey Mustard, French, Olive Oil with Balsamic Vinegar, all make rabbit food more appealing to me. Basically i will add like half a bowl of balsamic Vinegar to dip my bread and steak and chicken slices into it . It is the italian side of me . haha
I grew up on spaghetti and pizza . Yes blame my mum and aunty for cooking all these for me. Its never my fault. I never like Chinese food. I still hate it. Gimme my foie gras and cheese fondue and Kebabs anytime.

24. Do you read for fun?

I always have my head buried in a book...I'll read anything, me...Sometimes, I think I read a little too fast 'cos I keep running out of books to devour! I go Borders on a good day and i finish 20 magazines and 5 books at a time! Every week ....Now i am into Aristotle and Philosophy ....

25. Do you cry a lot?

Not lately unless you bully me...

26. Who was the last person to text message you?

Fiza lor ...complaining to me about her relationship spubbles. On a brighter note, I have also been informed that I get 1200 free text messages this month...Whoopee!!! Let's flex them fingers!

27. Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop?

I have 3 desktops at home. 2 high-end pooters for working on (sort of), and one other lying around waiting to be cannibalised for spare parts.

28. Are you currently wanting any tattoos or piercings?

Addicted to piercings...Used to have a pink metal bar on my belly button (i still have the metal bar i tot i threw it away ) , and 2 rings through the top of my left ear and 1 ring on right ear.

I do, however, plan to get another tattoo on my front belly . To add to my beautiful collection . I'll be using a searched from internet "tribal design" in this image, but in blue with white highlights, and with the wispy vine a little extended so it reaches down to my bottom, and curls seductively around that new little pink-coloured butterfly-shaped tattoo on my left of lower back.

29. What is the weather like?

Ho hum...Hot and humid...Believe me, it won't last.Then raining when you just about to leave the house and office.

30. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?

Of course. It is my fantasy . Provide they are less than 33 years old amd depends on how tasteful the designs are. But strictly No cartoons or pictures of Kermit the Frog or Bart Simpson.

31. Is sex before marriage wrong?

Only if you think it is.

(Or if you're still a kid!)

32. When was the last time you slept on the floor?

Yesterday when I had a fight with the dog . He won and he kicked me off the bed ...Does that count?

33. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?

24 x 7...The only time I ever accomplish anything note-worthy is in my dreams...Once awake, my brain immediately takes itself off on vacation.

34. Are you in love or lust?

Both.



35. Are your days full and fast-paced?

At the moment, yes...It's just how I like it. Being busy makes me feel me a sense of achievement.

36. Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages?

You mean they have calories info on that ?? I only look at the flavour and the expiry dates and the price tags .

37. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?

I will be 31 in September...Getting old is contagious.

38. Are you picky about spelling or grammar?

Yes, as you can tell from my homepage and blogs.and i always correct other people's pronounciation until they are fucking fed up of me.

39. Have you ever been to Six Flags?

Nope not the one in california . Instead i chose to go to Anaheim disneyland though and sneak into Minnie mouse house when she wasn't looking and took many pictures . I had long hair until the buttocks that time . Perhaps 13 years old .I went USA with my mummy and brother.



40. Do you get along better with members of the same sex or the opposite sex?

I get along with to equal numbers of both...I tend to be really wary of men to begin with, but once it's obvious that they're either gay, non-pervs, or totally in love with someone else, I find that they make really brilliant mates...sometimes better than female friends...They're more laid back (mostly), more fun, make more sense, and usually share more of the same interests with me than women...I always wish I had more brothers.

41. Do you like cottage cheese?

It's alright, but I prefer other kinds of cheese (lame humour not included).

42. Do you sleep on your side, tummy or back?

All three. I perform several of my best acrobatic feats in my sleep.

43. Have you ever bid for something on eBay?

I am worried that people will cheat me of my $20. One guy most certainly ask me for money to invest say $200 and kept pestering me to buy his Made in Germany beauty cream .

44. Do you enjoy giving hugs?

I only give hugs to the love of my life... tightly,
Hey Steven , i know you are reading this and smiling (giggling ) to yourself.


45. What song did you last sing out loud?

Pussycat dolls buttons and Rihanna Umbrella.

46. What is your favorite television show?

You really don't know what you're asking of me...How am I supposed to choose one out of all these channels?

I'm still a fan of Buffy/Angel, Roswell High, Father Ted, Fools & Horses, League of Gentlemen, Black Adder, X Files, Friends, Ally McBeal, Red Dwarf (see what I mean?), Little Britain, Da Ge Da (Taiwanese programme), but am currently into 24 (my adrenaline fix), Corrie, Dr Who, Gadget Show, and Top Gear...Oh, the list is endless...I also love documentaries, and thought Brainiac was brilliant.

47. Which celebrity, dead or alive, would you want to have lunch with?

At the moment, Pamela Anderson, i like to see her breasts.

48. Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?

Everytime I think of Steven , my boyfriend, ...More than 30 days on, and he's still my sweetie!

(But geez, does he snore!!!)

49. Name one thing do you wish you had?

Er...magic powers?

Wishful thinking aside, I'll settle for anything from my Wishlist...Did I mention it'll be my birthday soon? Plenty of time for you to get me something...Just click the TTIW button in the sidebar on the right.

50. Favorite song lyrics?

Travis - Closer

17 signs that you are falling in love.

SEVENTEEN:

U LOOK AT THEIR PROFILE/PICTURE CONSTANTLY



SIXTEEN:

WHEN YOUR ON THE PHONE WITH THEM LATE AT NIGHT AND THEY HANG UP, YOU STILL MISS THEM EVEN WHEN IT WAS JUST TWO SECONDS AGO.



FIFTEEN:

YOU READ THEIR TEXTS or SMS OVER AND OVER AGAIN.



FOURTEEN:

YOU WALK REALLY SLOW WHEN YOU'RE WITH THEM



THIRTEEN:

YOU FEEL SHY WHENEVER THEY'RE AROUND.



ELEVEN:

WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT THEM, YOUR HEART BEATS FASTER AND SLOWER AT THE SAME TIME



TEN:

YOU SMILE WHEN YOU HEAR THEIR VOICE.



NINE:

WHEN YOU lOOK AT THEM, YOU CAN'T SEE THE OTHER PEOPLE AROUND YOU, All YOU SEE IS HIM//HER.



EIGHT:

YOU START LISTENING TO SLOW SONGS, WHILE THINKING OF THEM



SEVEN:

THEY'RE ALL YOU THINK ABOUT.



SIX:

YOU GET HIGH JUST FROM THEIR SCENT.



FIVE:

YOU REALlIZE THAT YOU'RE AlWAYS SMILING TO YOURSELF WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT THEM.



FOUR:

YOU WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR THEM, OR ANYTHING TO SEE THEM.



THREE:

WHILE READING THIS, THERE WAS ONE PERSON ON YOUR MIND THE WHOLE TIME...



TWO:

You were so busy thinking about that person, you didnt notice number twelve.



ONE:

You just scrolled up to check & are now silentely laughing at yourself.

Steven and me at Kbox Cineleisure