Rules for Men

The female makes the rules.

The female is never wrong.

The rules are subject to change by the female at any time without prior notification

No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document the rules are not permitted

If the female suspects that the male may know some or all of the rules, she has the right to immediately change some or all of the rules.

If the female is wrong, it is because of an egregarious misunderstanding which was the direct result of vagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male said or did wrong.

The male must must always apologize immediately for having been the cause of the misunderstanding without any clues from the female as to what he did to have caused the misunderstanding. See above rule.

The female may change her mind at any time for any reason or no reason at all

The male is never permitted to change his mind or under circumstances without the express written consent of the female which is given only in cases where the female wanted him to change his mind but gave no indication of that wish

The female has the right to be angry or upset for any reason, real or imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which in her sole judgement she deems appropriate. The male is not to be given any sign of the root cause of the female's being angry or upset. The female may, however, give false or misleading reasons to see if the male is paying attention

The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset. Under no circumstances may the female give the male any clue or indication whether or why she wants him to be angry or upset

The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all times. Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties imposed at the sole discretion of the female

The female may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any past incident without regard to temporal or spacial distance, and modify, enlarge, embellish, of wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to the male that he is now or has in the past been wrong, insensitive, pig-headed, dense, deceitful, and/or oafish

The female may use her interpretation of any past occurrence to illustrate the ways in which the male has failed to accord her the consideration, respect, devotion, or material possessions, he has bestowed on other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals, sports teams, automobiles, motorcycles, boats, aircraft, or coworkers. Such illustrations are non-rebuttable

If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, the female is permitted to exhibit any manner of behavior she wishes without regard to logical consistency or accepted norms of human behavior

Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought, opinion, or belief by the male is subject to the sole, subjective interpretation of the female, other external factors not-withstanding. Alibis, excuses, explanations, defenses, reasons, extenuations, or rationalizations will not be entertained. Begging the female for mercy and forgiveness are acceptable under some circumstances, especially when accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition.

PLEASE NOTE: These rules are subject to change as the female sees fit. All rules are null and void under the PMS Exception Law. New rules apply during different stages of a women's life.