One nite in Zurich Switzerland

Travel Tips

Zurich: The Welcome 24 pass is now called the ZurichCard and costs CHF15.00 instead of CHF10.80. It gives free passage from the airport to the city, around the city using tram and bus, and the boat ride on the Zurichsee. It also gives free passes to almost all museums and attractions in Zurich.Mohamad Zolkipli, Malaysia (Aug 05)
Lots of tourists who arrive in Switzerland aren't aware that Switzerland isn't an EU member and, therefore, doesn't use Euro. Somehow in big hotels and department stores, you can usually pay in Euro, but they only accept banknotes and you will get your change in Swiss francs and the exchange rate is bad. Euro coins are worthless in Switzerland (except for the two-euro ones which you can use for making calls in some public telephone booths, but, then again, it's bad value). You should change all your Euro coins into notes before arriving in Switzerland and then change them into Swiss Francs at a bank as soon as you arrive in the country (since smaller shops, restaunts, taxis, buses and cinemas accept only Swiss francs).

Since 29th March 2002, even when making local calls, you must dial a city code first. For example, if you want to call a hotel in Lucerne from Lucerne's main railway station, you must dial Lucerne's city code 041 first and then the hotel's number. S. Ek Aramkun, Switzerland (Sep 02)

In your recent editions of "Switzerland" you've said that as of April 2001, the initial '0' in the phone numbers has been dropped. This isn't entirely true. With the deregulation, a lot of small businesses, especially if they had a webpage, switched to a company other than Swisscom. It is only Swisscom numbers that drop the initial '0'. Most large hotels and businesses, residential numbers, etc will take this change, but if readers complain that a number doesn't work, it probably still contains the first zero. Andrea McEneaney, Canada (Mar 02)

For many travellers from Down Under and Britain it's a pain to travel without vegemite or marmite. In Switzerland there's a substitute available that's called 'Cenovis'. I guess for travellers with kids this is something good to know. H. Friedl, Switzerland (Mar 01)

There is a free magazine available called "Swiss Backpacker News" which has listings of all the independent hostels in Switzerland as well as information on some places to visit. It comes out several times a year which is useful as it lists forthcoming local festivals. They have an Internet site at www.backpacker.ch.
You can actually "borrow" bikes for the day in both Geneva and Zurich for a deposit which is returned when you bring the bike back safely. There are several pick-up points in both Geneva and Zurich.
The walking in the Jungfrau region was awesome. A very useful map was the Schweizer Wanderwege 1:50 000 sheet "Interlaken" which covers Interlaken along the valleys to Grindelwald and Lauterbrunnen and lakes Thun and Brienz. All the walking paths and mountain paths are clearly marked.
Lindt & Sprungli Chocolate Factory, Zurich: after cycling out to the factory, we found out that in actual fact, the museum is rarely open and you should always phone a few days in advance to find out whether it is going to be open or not. But we still got free chocolates from the person at reception, so it wasn't a complete loss. Jonathan Rodgers (Jun 00)


Don't use the train pass when you go to Mt Rigi in Luzern as you will only get a reduction of CHF10 and you wont be able to use the ticket for the mountain train to the top. Instead, if you buy the whole ticket (including the boat and train to the top) by showing your train pass, you can get a good discount and you'll get a free coupon which enables you to take a sleigh on the top or have some soup and bread for free. As the coupon is written in German, ask the crew on the boat. Yong Gyun Ghim, Korea (Apr 00)


Moving About
If you are travelling from Italy to Switzerland and have some spare time, it 's worthwhile changing the route: instead of the usual Milan-Chiasso-Lugano-(Luzern-wherever) take a train in the direction of Milan-Lecco-Tirano and then the Swiss local Rhaetishe Bahn up in the mountains to St. Moritz and down to Chur. You will be rewarded with beautiful scenery on the banks of Lago di Como (which takes the name Lago di Lecco) and with amazing views from the Swiss train, which climbs from 400 meters to 2200 meters. Jan Hruza, Czech Republic (Oct 00)


Gems, Highlights & Attractions
One has to visit the muenster in Basel including a visit of the tower. You have a fantastic view over the city and the tower climb is quite adventurous. It is just amazing how far up you can go there and you need to be free from giddiness. The 3CHF are worth it.Jutta Schaller, Switzerland (Oct 05)


St Gallen's OLMA festival in October is a week long exhibition in which all the farmers come to show off their livestock and buy their produce. There's a big parade at the start of the week, with local farmers and tradespeople from all over the region and beyond, weaving through the narrow streets on floats behind full brass bands. There's also a funfair and market in the area around Museum Strasse and the library. In the OLMA complex itself, about ten minutes walk east out of town on St. Jakob str., there are all kinds of exhibits, a chance to get to know some real Appenzell cows, taste some extra strong cheese and bet on the crowd pleasing pig races. The pig races are especially fun!

The 'old' new year celebration in the small town of Urnäsch, in the canton of Appenzell, is really worth going to see. Every January 13th (unless that's a Sunday, in which case it's the 12th)gangs of locals dressed up as 'ugly' and 'beautiful' sprites stomp through the snow to outlying farms banging huge cow bells and 'singing' in high pitched voices. The 'ugly' sprites look like big fir trees with twisted faces, the 'beautiful' ones wear handmade headdresses which depict scenes of happiness such as a wedding or good harvest. If you can squeeze yourself into a restaurant in the town itself you get treated to floor show after floor show as the various groups come into the bar to drive away the bad spirits and bring in the good.


There's a great place to swim in St Gallen, at the three lakes on the hill above the city. You can walk up the hill or take the mühleggbahn there, the tiny cable car which runs from just behind the cathedral to the top of the hill. You can swim for free in one of the lakes which have changing facilities and a little kiosk open in summer, or pay to get into the more maintained family pool further on. There's also a cheap restaurant up there with great views over the city and towards Lake Constance. Christian Lisseman, Switzerland (Mar 02)


The small Swiss German towns surrounding the Ara River between Zurich and Bern have (I think) the best location, as you are only an hour (at the most) from either city, the German border, and some great skiing in the Alps. Plus the biking is amazing, with waterfalls, campsites and great bars all over the area. Amanda Fay Szumutku, Canada (Apr 01)

I have some information about a wonderful musuem in Hergiswil, Kanton Luzern. Glasi Hergiswil is the oldest glass factory in Switzerland, founded in 1817. It includes a recorded tour (available in English and German) through an exhibition about the history of glass and the factory itself. I really enjoyed the well though out exhibition with its syncronized lighting, sound and video recordings.


The best part of the whole attraction is the factory itself. From a platform above the 10 or so glass makers I had a great view of them moulding and blowing the glass into shape. It was fascinating! Their handmade glass products are sold all over Switzerland and entry is free. It's open 9am to noon then 1.30pm to 5.30pm Monday to Friday and 9am to 4pm on Saturday. Melissa Bowtell, Australia (Feb 01)


A great way to see some of the back woods in Switzerland is to take the slow train from Interlaken to Lucerne. It is only a little bit slower than going to Bern and switching, but has some great views. It winds its way up into the mountains; you stop at some really tiny stations where there is still snow in late May and go past lots of small traditional houses and farms. An incredibly relaxing trip. Andrea McEneaney, Canada (Apr 00)

If you're visiting Switzerland and want to get off-the-beaten-track, head to the Valle de Joux. It's a quick 45 minute drive up and over a mountain pass from either Geneva or Lausanne and may be easily reached by train.
We were fortunate enough to live in one of the five tiny villages surrounding the Lac de Joux and we both believe it is truly a hidden gem. If you like wind surfing, sailing, cycling, hiking or cross-country skiing, this is the place for you. It's so off-the-beaten-track that even most Swiss will look at you with blank looks when you mention the place.


If you want to catch a glimpse of some of the finest watch making facilities in the world - most of the big names are head quartered here - or take a step back in time and wonder what the country was like 40 years ago - this is the place for you. There are hotels and pensions available as well as two camping grounds. Don't miss a side trip to the Grottes des Vallorbes to see some magnificent cave formations.

terel pictures

Flirting

All About Flirting
by Ian McNeice
You are at a party and out of nowhere someone is standing close to you. Like a genie, they keep turning up, close by, catching your gaze. You go and chat and they stand in the same position as you, playing with their hair, laughing with you and holding your gaze. This person likes you and is flirting. How do you know? Because without realizing it, you are an expert in flirting and body language.
What would dating be without flirting. Flirting is fabulous, flirting is fun, flirting is giving out signals that we may be interested in someone, or we may be pretending. But within reason, flirting is part and parcel of our daily lives. Flirting can be harmful when it threatens fidelity but it can also be sexy and bring people closer together. Some people are good at flirting and some people hopeless.
Are you a flirt? If you are you know it and are secretly proud of the fact. It is sexy when you flirt and people like it. Flirting means giving people attention, it means, smiling, touching, whispering. In the right circumstances it is a powerful tool especially against the unwary. In the wrong circumstances it will get you fired. There is a gulf between flirting and unwanted sexual advances so beware.
It is useful to look at some of the key indicators of flirting and they can prove extremely useful when working out if the person across the table from you is interested. The one to keep your eye on the most is "mirroring". Mirroring is when someone copies your body movements whilst retaining eye contact. Its is one of the biggest giveaways there is.
Eye Contact
Pupils are dilated and eye contact is maintained
Eye contact combined with an arched eye brow
Any form of winking
Rapid eye movement and blinking
Eye contact where the gaze is held longer than usual. Men normally look away.
Hair and Mouth
Playing with hair in a stroking or toying motion
Eye contact whilst playing with hair
Touching your hair at any time
Lots of smiling, open mouthed and teeth flashing
Lip licking
Puckering lips in a simulated kiss form
Any form of touch of the lips or teeth with tongue
Body Movement
The thrusting of chest or breasts outwards whilst holding your gaze
The copying of your posture - mirroring
Holding your gaze whilst moving to music
Using a posture with legs crossed towards you
Leaning in towards you whilst holding your gaze
Open legged posture facing you
The display of flesh of arm or thigh
Touching
They will want to touch you and will reach out to do so with some excuse
They will offer to place food in your mouth as if feeding you
They will play with their hands and then with yours
The Way they Speak
Their tone and speed of conversation mirrors your own
Lots of laughter and questioning tones
In a group, you are singled out by this person for attention even in general conversation and questions. This happened to me in New York and I was taken aback how obvious it was.
The main thing to remember with flirting is that it is fun and so much more so when you are receptive to it and understand when it is happening to you. The best flirtatious moments will always take you by surprise.

What do men want ?

What Do Men Want ?
by Ian McNeice
Women often tell me that men confuse them and that they are unsure what a man is really looking for. They have tried to please them in the past and it hasn't worked so no, the man can concentrate on pleasing them or leave. If the media is to be believed, many women don't care what a man is looking for anymore because they have been empowered by their own sexuality and are comfortable in their new role as sexually liberated career woman in charge of their own destiny. In which case, as long as the man wants them, that is fine.
It doesn't matter whether that view is actually true or not. What is true is that the modern man is increasingly struggling to find his place in the world. The Armed Forces and Space programs quite rightly have very highly qualified career women working in their departments and in most aspects of industry, women are excelling. The old male bastions are crumbling and with them their innate self respect as well as their understanding of how they should act and what they desire.
Any woman reading this may say well it's a problem for men and they should deal with it. Absolutely I can reply, but you cannot expect miracles instantly. Generations of history dictating a man's role and function cannot be decided and altered in the space of 20 years without some fallout. Few can argue against the excitement felt by women as their empowerment continues but at the same time, one must expect issues to coincide with this. And one of those as I said is the question of understanding what the modern man is looking for.
Men have started to evolve and are starting to grasp the fact that their role may not be as it once was. 'Starting' is the operative word because this does not mean that there aren't large swathes of the world where men insist on being the breadwinner and women should still remain at home rearing children. It is going to take a long time to change the world. However in our western cities a change is in full swing. Men know that to find a mate they are going to have to work harder than ever before and they are aware that women call the shots far more than ever before. But this doesn't essentially change what a man is looking for.
Okay so what is a man seeking?
First of all a man is seeking a love-interest. This may surprise many women but men like to love and they like being loved in return. The problem is that many women come across as impassioned and cold. It is not easy to find a loving woman and it is very noticeable how many men try and hang on when they think they have found their Miss Right.
Men are seeking a woman who is attractive to them. Women may despair that men can be so shallow and that looks could matter so much but be careful. Men aren't necessarily looking for a catwalk model and many men don't like women who weigh 80lbs. But men do want a woman who takes pride in their appearance (though not excessively). Men are proud of having a girlfriend who looks good and I don't believe any man who says otherwise.
Men are looking for a trustworthy girl, someone they can have faith in and someone who will be there for them. This may sound like an odd thing to say, but the fact is, some women are not trustworthy and many are not faithful either. So many in fact that men are increasingly wary. That kiss at a Christmas party may not count, or the flirtatious behavior with the gorgeous barman and in fact its all great fun and part of a woman's character. But reverse the situation and as a woman, you hate him doing the same. A man can never forgive a woman being unfaithful and so he is looking for someone who he really does trust.
Men want to make a home eventually and are looking for a woman who will be a willing sharer in home life. Women with a sociable lifestyle are attractive because they can be relied upon to keep the social diary running in a long term relationship.
Men are seeking women who are feminine gentle and kind because deep down the qualities that make a woman a great mother are an attraction in themselves. I am not suggesting that the man himself needs mothering, though some do, it is more the point that men seek the attributes in women that point to someone who would make a great mother to future offspring.
Men want women with a great sense of humor. Women often come across as uptight or too bothered by too many small details. You will sometimes hear mention of a girl who is 'one of the boys'. What this means is that she is able to fit in with their humor and is sociable and fun to be with. Such women are extremely attractive to many men. Men want to have a good time and relax when not working and so their ideal partners are women who are able to do the same.
Men are looking for women who retain their femininity and and are caring and kind. In recent years, aping men may be a female fashion statement, but it doesn't make them attractive. Whilst every woman in the world burps and farts and has the right to drink pints of beer, it doesn't necessarily attract them to the opposite sex. Women can get angry and say well men will just have to get used to it, but the issue is that they don't. They can just choose not to go for women who act in the same way as their drinking buddies.
Men want someone who is supportive. Many women are quick to criticize men in their behavior, career and set about trying to alter them and mould them. This is a crucial mistake. Men can be manipulated yes, but they see their partnerships as support systems. The best relationships work both ways in terms of support. Where a woman is not able or willing to give that support and is too quick to criticize then she may lose her man.
Men don't like angry women who shout. They want a woman who can debate and converse and is able to discuss. Communication is king. A fiery passionate temperament may have made you interesting and challenging on day one. But by day 500 it holds no glory whatsoever.
Men love a challenging woman, someone who keeps them on their toes. Men are generally lazy in relationships once they feel they're in secure territory. When a man is challenged so he does something about it. If you want to keep your man interested, keep him challenged.
Men are generally more reserved about sex than women. This is my experience is a fact. Men know what they like in bed and tend to stick to it. The adventurous sexual appetite in most men isn't there even if they are convinced it is. Men in reality are quite conservative. Sexually adventurous has nothing to do with having lots of partners and more to do with the things they will try with the same partner. In most test cases I have conducted, it is the man who looks for a quiet time in the bedroom and the woman who ultimately becomes bored.
Men want a woman who will commit to them. Though increasingly this is hard to find, it doesn't take away the wish. Men want a girlfriend who they can share with and trust and be open with. Commitment is not a one way street and therefore men are struggling to find the levels of commitment they found previously. But the need is still there.
Men don't want to be alone.
This column can easily fire a great debate and I may be accused of being completely wrong but that is the beauty of opinions. We all have them. The fact is, a modern man is seeking a reliable, sexy, single girl with whom he can have a long term relationship with. He wants to have fun, share his life and ultimately settle down. There are a few long term bachelors but not that many. The problem guys have is that the world has changed. They don't necessarily want to have children and settle down straight away, but it will come. They do seek self-respect even if they are not the primary breadwinner and they seek respect from their partner.
Whilst women become increasingly strong in their new roles in society, it is worth remembering that it takes, and always will take, two to tango.

Rate Yourself on romance

Rate Yourself on Romance


From the guys http://www.topdatingtips.com/meeting-singles.htmwho brought you www.RateYourself.com. We loved this book so much that we have decided that over the coming months we will give you the opportunity of testing yourself on romance with 40 fun-to-use self-assessments. Sometimes you just want an objective opinion on your love life - and get the answers.
Dating and Relating
Even those of us who consider ourselves relationship experts admit that meeting the right person in today's busy world is a tremendous challenge. Flirting can be fun, but when you're looking for love, meeting new people and making first impressions can try your patience and test your soul.
It's often hard to know if you're sending the right signals to your date and it can be equally difficult to judge the messages that your date is sending you. The surveys in this section will help you understand if your dating strategies are working, and what you can do to make them more effective. Although the dating world isn't always easy, try to enjoy yourself. It may take a few tries before you meet the right person, but keep a positive attitude and you're likely to have fun, and meet interesting people along the way.
Do You Know How to Meet Single People?
1. Where would you most likely hang out if you were trying to get a date?
a. A noisy bar or discob. The laundromat on a Sunday afternoonc. Outside of a center for couples therapyd. A coffee shop in a hip neighbourhoode. An amusement park on a family-themed weekend
2. What do you usually do on Friday nights?
a. Make dinner for myself and watch some television or a videob. Meet a few close friends for dinner or drinksc. Gather with a group - some old friends, some newd. Carefully recompose, but never submit, my singles ade. Hit happy hour on the downtown scene
3. You meet an attractive person you might be interested in. Do you check for a wedding ring?
a. Instantlyb. Only if I consider asking them outc. Sometimesd. Never
4. It's been said that you should never leave the house without looking your best, because you never know when you might meet someone. Do you agree or disagree?
a. Strongly agreeb. Agree, but with reservationsc. It would depend on where I was goingd. Strongly disagree
5. What's the first question that you would ask a good friend who had a new love?
a. How they metb. If the new love has any cute friendsc. How your friend knew this was "the one"d. If this would mean that your friend would no longer be available for you
6. Do you ever make eye contact with strangers in public places?
a. All the timeb. When feeling adventurousc. Neverd. Only if I notice someone who seems especially intriguing
7. Have you ever given a stranger your telephone number?
a. Never - and I never wouldb. I give out my number as often as I canc. No - but if I had a good feeling about someone, I mightd. Just a few times
8. Which of the following do you consider to be a great opening line?
a. "Hey baby, what's your sign?"b. "Ummm..."c. "Can I buy you a drink?"d. "You look very familiar, have we met before?"e. " I don't mean to intrude, but I noticed that you're reading..."
9. A friend asks you to join a book group for singles; you only know one or two members. What would you do?
a. I would join, but I wouldn't say much the first few timesb. I would refuse, and suggest that my friend and I just meet for coffee and talk about booksc. I would join, but only attend intermittentlyd. I woud join instantly, and send all the other members my vital stats over email
10. A wedding is...
a. A romantic backdrop and a place to meet new peopleb. A chance to connect with old friends and meet new onesc. Something that I'm sure I'll never be part ofd. A grim reminder of my single state
11. Have you ever thrown a party? If so, what kind?
a. A huge bash for everyone I knew, friends and friends of friendsb. An intimate dinner for close friendsc. An elegant affair where some people came alone and some brought datesd. I've never thrown a party - I'm too busy going out to entertaine. I've never thrown a party - I consider myself fairly antisocial
Scoring:
1. a=2; b=3; c=1; d=3; e=12. a=1; b=2; c=3; d=1; e=33. a=3; b=2; c=2; d=14. a=3; b=2; c=2; d=15. a=2; b=3; c=2; d=16. a=3; b=2; c=1; d=27. a=1; b=3; c=2; d=28. a=3; b=1; c=3; d=2; e=29. a=2; b=1; c=2; d=310.a=3; b=2; c=1; d=111.a=3; b=1; c=2; d=3; e=1
What Your Score Means
11 to 17:
Stubbornly Single
Clearly, you're the kind of person who prefers the company of a select few to the splendor of the masses. Whilst it's great to be comfortable with being alone, it might be time to reconsider whether, by refusing to come out of your shell, you're inadvertently narrowing your own horizons. Meeting new people is difficult, but it's a challenge that is often its own reward - even if you don't make any dates, you'll often expand your view of the world by taking a chance on someone new. Push yourself - you could be surprised by what you discover!
18 to 26:
Open to Possibilities
You're confident and comfortable with your single status, so you don't feel the need to constantly be looking for new contacts. This confidence is a great draw to other people - when you do feel motivated to talk to someone new, it's clear that that person is pretty special. Whether you are in a room full of singles, or a few close old friends, you are open, warm and inviting, and these qualities will bring you more potential partners than a thousand pickup lines. So relax, and enjoy yourself!
27 to 33:
Patrolling the Market
Your single-people-meeting skills are finely honed. When it comes to looking for potential partners, the world is your oyster, and every situation and social event is a possible place where you could cross paths with a new suitor. Whilst it's always great to remain open to the possibility of meeting new people, you should be careful to consider the feelings of your old friends - you don't want any of them to feel like their friendship is less important than finding a romantic partner. When push comes to shove, old friends are more important than new blood. Still, you've got a great attitude toward meeting new people, and you could probably give lessons in how to get a date!
Content provided by the editors of www.Rateyourself.com. All rights reserved.2002.

Body Language

Body Language
By Meadow James
This is the language where you don't need any words. Women have been doing it for hundreds of years - to attract the man they want. Becoming fluent in body language will ensure that you will be skilled in attracting the right man, and sending the get-lost signal to the wrong man.
Eyeing Up the Prize
The more eye contact you establish with the target, the better. Start with some sidelong glances. Then, begin with direct eye contact. Once he turns to meet your gaze, immediately lower your eyes and smile to yourself, this will tell him that you were watching him and are embarrassed that he caught you - a sure sign of interest. Next, be bold and try holding his stare, flashing a small, open-lipped smile.
If there is a man that is giving you the eye and you are not interested, look away from him and don`t look back at him again. When in conversation, looking at the ceiling and all around the room, also shows a definite lack of interest.
First Impressions Count
You leave your home ready to go to a party when you spot your gorgeous neighbor, and he doesn't give you a second glance. Why? Because you aren't dressed your best. When you enter a room, most people look to see who has come in. This is when you have to make an impression. Looking your best will make you feel your best. So make sure that before you leave your front door, look your best, and you never know you might just attract the attention of that gorgeous neighbor.
The Hand Job (no, not what you are thinking!)
Even without direct contact, your hands can send very powerful messages. There are a number of ways to convey that you want to get to know someone. Keeping your hands unclenched shows you're open to him. Using your hands to caress objects, such as the rim of your glass, locks of your hair, or the sleeve of your blouse, in a rhythmic (as opposed to fidgety) manner, can be a sensual act. And for the braver hands, try picking fluff off his jacket, touching him to punctuate a point, or using the "accidental touch" when reaching for the salt.
Hands that are jammed in pockets, busy cleaning glasses, or balled in tight fists are all bad signs. Fingers tapping, drumming, pointing, or wagging are also signals to move on.
Stand Out
Your posture is one of the most telling signals you transmit. An open posture is evidence of an open person. Turning your body toward the man you're conversing with, keeping your feet flat on the floor and leaning forward are actions that show interest. As well, slightly tilting your head, crossing and uncrossing your legs, and thrusting your chest forward give the message that you are interested.
As for ways to send a man packing, crossing your arms, holding a drink high in front of you, turning your body away or resting your feet on their toes will tell a person you are not interested.
A Few Extra Tips
Hopefully by now, you have an attack plan and a clear idea of when it's time to get down and dirty, or when you're best just to wave the white flag. Here are just a few more tips when trying to perfect your body language skills:
You'll know things are going really well when you begin "mirroring" one another's body language and gestures.
Don`t tease him by offering more than you plan to follow through. This can lead to very ugly circumstances.
Chain smoking, being extremely intoxicated, or having eyes only for your plate of food will not put you in the best standing for the body language game.
If you try your hand at it, and he's not responding, abort the mission immediately.…
Following him around all night will only serve in making you look needy and desperate.
And finally, if all else fails, buy yourself a T-shirt that reads, "Looking for Love."

What Do Men Want ?

What Do Men Want ?

by Ian McNeice

Women often tell me that men confuse them and that they are unsure what a man is really looking for. They have tried to please them in the past and it hasn't worked so no, the man can concentrate on pleasing them or leave. If the media is to be believed, many women don't care what a man is looking for anymore because they have been empowered by their own sexuality and are comfortable in their new role as sexually liberated career woman in charge of their own destiny. In which case, as long as the man wants them, that is fine.

It doesn't matter whether that view is actually true or not. What is true is that the modern man is increasingly struggling to find his place in the world. The Armed Forces and Space programs quite rightly have very highly qualified career women working in their departments and in most aspects of industry, women are excelling. The old male bastions are crumbling and with them their innate self respect as well as their understanding of how they should act and what they desire.

Any woman reading this may say well it's a problem for men and they should deal with it. Absolutely I can reply, but you cannot expect miracles instantly. Generations of history dictating a man's role and function cannot be decided and altered in the space of 20 years without some fallout. Few can argue against the excitement felt by women as their empowerment continues but at the same time, one must expect issues to coincide with this. And one of those as I said is the question of understanding what the modern man is looking for.

Men have started to evolve and are starting to grasp the fact that their role may not be as it once was. 'Starting' is the operative word because this does not mean that there aren't large swathes of the world where men insist on being the breadwinner and women should still remain at home rearing children. It is going to take a long time to change the world. However in our western cities a change is in full swing. Men know that to find a mate they are going to have to work harder than ever before and they are aware that women call the shots far more than ever before. But this doesn't essentially change what a man is looking for.

Okay so what is a man seeking?

• First of all a man is seeking a love-interest. This may surprise many women but men like to love and they like being loved in return. The problem is that many women come across as impassioned and cold. It is not easy to find a loving woman and it is very noticeable how many men try and hang on when they think they have found their Miss Right.

• Men are seeking a woman who is attractive to them. Women may despair that men can be so shallow and that looks could matter so much but be careful. Men aren't necessarily looking for a catwalk model and many men don't like women who weigh 80lbs. But men do want a woman who takes pride in their appearance (though not excessively). Men are proud of having a girlfriend who looks good and I don't believe any man who says otherwise.

• Men are looking for a trustworthy girl, someone they can have faith in and someone who will be there for them. This may sound like an odd thing to say, but the fact is, some women are not trustworthy and many are not faithful either. So many in fact that men are increasingly wary. That kiss at a Christmas party may not count, or the flirtatious behavior with the gorgeous barman and in fact its all great fun and part of a woman's character. But reverse the situation and as a woman, you hate him doing the same. A man can never forgive a woman being unfaithful and so he is looking for someone who he really does trust.

• Men want to make a home eventually and are looking for a woman who will be a willing sharer in home life. Women with a sociable lifestyle are attractive because they can be relied upon to keep the social diary running in a long term relationship.

• Men are seeking women who are feminine gentle and kind because deep down the qualities that make a woman a great mother are an attraction in themselves. I am not suggesting that the man himself needs mothering, though some do, it is more the point that men seek the attributes in women that point to someone who would make a great mother to future offspring.

• Men want women with a great sense of humor. Women often come across as uptight or too bothered by too many small details. You will sometimes hear mention of a girl who is 'one of the boys'. What this means is that she is able to fit in with their humor and is sociable and fun to be with. Such women are extremely attractive to many men. Men want to have a good time and relax when not working and so their ideal partners are women who are able to do the same.

• Men are looking for women who retain their femininity and and are caring and kind. In recent years, aping men may be a female fashion statement, but it doesn't make them attractive. Whilst every woman in the world burps and farts and has the right to drink pints of beer, it doesn't necessarily attract them to the opposite sex. Women can get angry and say well men will just have to get used to it, but the issue is that they don't. They can just choose not to go for women who act in the same way as their drinking buddies.

• Men want someone who is supportive. Many women are quick to criticize men in their behavior, career and set about trying to alter them and mould them. This is a crucial mistake. Men can be manipulated yes, but they see their partnerships as support systems. The best relationships work both ways in terms of support. Where a woman is not able or willing to give that support and is too quick to criticize then she may lose her man.

• Men don't like angry women who shout. They want a woman who can debate and converse and is able to discuss. Communication is king. A fiery passionate temperament may have made you interesting and challenging on day one. But by day 500 it holds no glory whatsoever.

• Men love a challenging woman, someone who keeps them on their toes. Men are generally lazy in relationships once they feel they're in secure territory. When a man is challenged so he does something about it. If you want to keep your man interested, keep him challenged.

• Men are generally more reserved about sex than women. This is my experience is a fact. Men know what they like in bed and tend to stick to it. The adventurous sexual appetite in most men isn't there even if they are convinced it is. Men in reality are quite conservative. Sexually adventurous has nothing to do with having lots of partners and more to do with the things they will try with the same partner. In most test cases I have conducted, it is the man who looks for a quiet time in the bedroom and the woman who ultimately becomes bored.

• Men want a woman who will commit to them. Though increasingly this is hard to find, it doesn't take away the wish. Men want a girlfriend who they can share with and trust and be open with. Commitment is not a one way street and therefore men are struggling to find the levels of commitment they found previously. But the need is still there.

• Men don't want to be alone.

This column can easily fire a great debate and I may be accused of being completely wrong but that is the beauty of opinions. We all have them. The fact is, a modern man is seeking a reliable, sexy, single girl with whom he can have a long term relationship with. He wants to have fun, share his life and ultimately settle down. There are a few long term bachelors but not that many. The problem guys have is that the world has changed. They don't necessarily want to have children and settle down straight away, but it will come. They do seek self-respect even if they are not the primary breadwinner and they seek respect from their partner.

Whilst women become increasingly strong in their new roles in society, it is worth remembering that it takes, and always will take, two to tango.

Dating Tips for Confidence

Dating Tips For Confidence
by Ian McNeice


To date successfully as both a man or woman you need to increase your confidence levels. Some things you can change quickly, others you will need to practice. Nothing will be achieved without trying that's for certain. If you never leave the house because you don't feel that great about yourself then unless you use Internet dating services only, no one will come to you. Follow these tips to increase your confidence levels whether you are a single man or woman:
First of all establish whether you are truly ready to meet someone new. If so then proceed. If not, withdraw and take your time.
Make a list addressing all the things you are not comfortable with about yourself. Be brutally honest
Establish which things you think people may not like about you and make a list. Get a second opinion too.
Start by addressing the way you look and the way you dress
Change the things most easily changed which you think you can do better. Do not worry over necessarily about what friends think
By changing the most basic aspects of your looks, lifestyle and regime you will instantly feel more confident. You will have a new you.
Ensure you are comfortable with any changes you make
Make sure you are in shape or attempting to be. If you are dieting or exercising remember to be patient as these changes, though dramatic, will take a little while.
Your confidence will grow as you feel better about yourself and others will sense it.
Start to change the routines that drag you down. If you associate with people who criticize you, lose them fast.
Start doing the things you wish you had always had the courage to do. Maybe a hobby, sport or society. You will never look back.
Learn to enjoy the smaller things in life and give yourself time especially for these things. If you like to cook for friends then start having dinner parties. Don't wait for others.
Stop accepting second best. Start putting yourself first as priority number one.
By looking and feeling good about yourself and widening your horizons your life has already changed for the better and your confidence levels are on the up.
Now start to be selective about what kind of person you really like. But by the same token talk to everyone. The more people who are interested the higher your confidence levels.
Start dating. If someone has asked you out, accept.
Set yourself some life goals as well as romantic goals. Other people love to associated with driven and goal-orientated people. Confidence breeds confidence.
Be proactive and ask someone out yourself who you like. Just do it and accept freely that some people will say no. But many will also say yes.
Learn to like and love yourself for who you are and what you want from your life. Do not allow negative family comments to influence you in any way.
Make conversation with the nice people you meet along the way.
Become sociable and look good at every opportunity. Be your own best advert.
Remember that your confidence levels will become sky high by people saying yes to you. This will happen when you select the right kind of dates for you so keep a realistic approach to dating.
Walk away from anything you don't like and instill a positive mental attitude in everything you do.
Stick with it and just keep going. Don't go back to what there was before. That's over.

Be Mysterious and enigmatic

Be Mysterious and Enigmatic To Attract
by Ian McNeice

http://www.topdatingtips.com/enigma-tips.htm

Think about how many times you have heard the expression "mysterious stranger". Think about how many times you have heard someone say " I really want to get to know you more". People are attracted to mystery. Being enigmatic, in other words, not knowing what makes a person tick. Not knowing their thoughts. Not knowing everything about them provokes instant challenge. A mysterious stranger is an attractive person. You want to know more, you want to gain their attention you want to be known to them. Someone you can read like an open book lacks that essential quality and is therefore less attractive at first glance.
To be successful and attractive when dating it pays to keep something in reserve. A busy person is an attractive person because their life appears to be full, but you don't actually know that. You simply wish to know more. And in trying to know more, you find an interest level that you didn't find in those that offer you everything on a plate.
An enigmatic man has an air of mystery. An enigmatic woman has the same. Your desire quotient is increased significantly if you don't allow everything in your head to spill out to anyone within earshot. Mystery is a challenge and we know that challenge is inherent in many dating scenarios. By being a challenge to someone who wants to get to know you and by making them work for it, so your chances of success in the dating game are so much higher.
People often say that they meet someone when they least expected it. This is partly because by being busy with their every day routine they didn't notice that someone had taken an interest in them. This is often in part because you are busy. You are promoting an air of desirability because there is a mystery to you. Your life seems full and they are interested. They want to know more about you.
It is worth noting however that enigma and mystery are very different from being stubborn and moody. Not knowing about your life and what makes you trick is one thing. Being downright secretive is something completely different.
Here are some key tips to being enigmatic and mysterious:
At work or with friends, don't bore the office with every opinion you can muster.
Always keep something back when relating a story - why and how and when are details for later
Don't announce every plan you make. Keep some things to yourself for a while
Do not phone people, let them call you
Don't always return calls and never instantly
Keep your private life private. It is not open for general discussion and debate
Don't be too available but don't explain why you are not available either
Keep people guessing
Making interested parties think they are no the only person interested in you ups the ante and increases your desirability
Don't reply to emails and text messages at weekends
If you are using a dating service, don't reply to emails and messages at weekends
Be busy without giving details of what you are doing
Break plans occasionally without giving too much away
When you do meet up be entertaining and fascinating without giving every detail away
Never discuss ex partners and refuse to be drawn on the subject
Use an evasive enigmatic smile to answer questions to great effect
Even when people beg you to know more, keep them guessing
Never be too available, your diary is always semi-full as far as anyone is concerned
Mention you were with 'some people' but say little else on the subject when relating a tale
Let people do the running and don't do the chasing unless necessary
Have different groups of friends who you don't mix together
To be highly effective, create the desire initially then ration it afterwards. They will treat you like a drug, craving more due to the great times they have when they do eventually get to see you
Learn key expressions like "oh I have been really busy", "wow its been crazy", "I have lots of plans this week", "my diary is really full" and "Oh I have been doing so many things" without giving more away
Be a challenge and never be an open book. Make people work to get to know you
Being mysterious takes practice and takes time to get right. Once you do so and are comfortable in not being in constant communication with people they will soon desire to know more. It is a fine balancing trick however because if you are too evasive, people will tire of you and move on.

General Dating Rules for Women

by Ian McNeice

Guys, if you don't like this, tough - look away now.
In another dating article on this site you will find a general set of rules than men should follow when dating. In the same way women have some general rules that they should content with when entering the dating jungle. Now I know everyone is different so don't take things too seriously here. There has been some controversy over some literature published recently in the USA that sets out in detail the rules a woman should follow to get her guy (or woman). Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider's 1995 bestseller "The Rules," explains how women should play hard if they want to get their guy. I can understand why some groups would be hostile but the fact is when we grow up there are a predefined set of dating rules. All that happens is that we forget most of them after the age of 21 and then find we need to relearn them.
I wish there weren't any general rules and we just got on with it but courtship is a ritual; there are things that we make happen that excite stimulate, create interest, confound etc. Dating is a long test of compatibility. Are we perfectly matched? If we just threw ourselves together then the chances of long term happiness may be reduced. And yet previous generations managed to succeed on a far less complex courtship criteria list. Many arranged marriages work too interestingly.
In every society there are a predefined set of social rules we follow, from the way and timing of eating to the way we behave in public. The issue here is that when women date there are things that can help them be more successful. If we accept that dating is a game then there are rules to that game and winners and losers. If you know the rules in advance it gives you a head start. If men know the rules by which you are playing you may change the rules to suit the situation to keep the man guessing. Men love a challenge so feel free to adapt rule and add them as you feel inclined.
You can separate rules out into two parts, dating and online dating. Both areas have distinct rules that a woman should follow for dating success.

General Dating Rules

-Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick and wearing rags will still turn his head. You have the advantage, you are the woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time.
-Never reveal information you don't have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild.
-Keep dates brief but your men interested. Less is always more.
-Try and stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym. However much you hate it, your Mr. Right loves your body as much as your mind.
-Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.
-Ensure you receive flowers, if he doesn't know what a florist is, dump him.
-Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.
-Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady's perogative.
-Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
-If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.
-Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.
-Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.
-Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practise on a mirror if you have to.
-Never ever talk about previous boyfriends and particularly their prowess in the bedroom. The number of ex boyfriends is your business only.
-Never pre suppose anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking
-If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity run like the wind. Life is too short for boys.
-If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace dump him
-Never talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison.
-Never ever come across as too available or too desperate, he will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing remember.
-If the guy in the corner is gorgeous go and get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else.
-You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on.
-If you are wanting a child, don't mention it on the first few dates.
-Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.'

Online Dating Rules

-Always let them come to you, don't chase via email
-Block anyone who annoys you instantly
-Place the best & most vampish photo up you can find
-Don't reply to instant messages with clever opening lines
-Remain aloof and let yourself be chased
-Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt
-Never provide you true email or phone details to the man
-Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn
-Make sure your login name is stunning and sexy as well as enigmatic
-Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best
-Do not assume the man you are talking to is destitute or sad
-Never ever reply to emails at weekends, wait until a weekday
-Never state how good your sexual performance is in your profile
-If you don't want to date married men spell it out in your profile
-A man who doesn't reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored
-Make sure your humor levels come across in text
-Do not chat to hundreds of men at once, the delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off.
-Don't even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out.-
-Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results


Always remember ladies that you are a sexy desirable woman and the world is your oyster. Always let men do the chasing and always let yourself be the chooser. Always stay safe and never risk yourself for the sake of attending a date. Always use a safe dating website like LoveBrowser.com

interesting websites

http://www.frederiksamuel.com/blog/

http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/

http://www.dotti.com.au/dotti.html

http://www.etsy.com/index.php

http://www.ds9r.com/dlog/about/

50 cool things about being a man

1. Your butt is never a factor in a job interview.

2. Your orgasms are real. Always.

3. Your last name stays put.

4. The garage is all yours.

5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.

7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

8. You don't give a rats-ass if someone doesn't notice your new haiircut.

9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

10. Same work...more pay.

11. Wrinkles add character.

12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

13. Wedding dress $2,000; tux rental $100

14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

17. Porn movies are designed with you in mind.

18. Your pals can be trusted never to ask you, "So, notice anything different?"

19. One mood, all the damn time.

20. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.

21. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

22. You can open all your own jars.

24. You can go to a public restroom without a support group.

25. You can leave the hotel bed unmade.

26. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

27. If someone forgets to invite you to something, you can still be friends.

28. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.

29. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

30. Everything on your face stays its original colour.

31. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passengers seat.

32. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

33. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is
coming.

34. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking " he must be mad at me."

35. No maxi-pads.

36. You don't smooch off other's deserts.

37. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

38. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

39. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours.

40. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

41. You almost never have strap problems in public.

42. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

43. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

44. You don't have to shave below your neck.

45. Your belly usually hides your big hips.

46. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.

47. You can "do" your nails with your pocket knife.

48. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

49. Shopping for Christmas can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on the day before the holiday, in minutes.

50. The world is your urinal.





Ten things men know for sure about women :

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10. They have breasts.

denan my best fren

he is nice and caring person
so concerned about me
i love denan so much

Rules for Buying Gifts for Men

Rule #1: When in doubt, buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #6: Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.

Rule #7: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-shave or deodorant. I'm told men do not stink, they are earthy.

Rule #8: Buy men label makers. They are almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.

Rule #9: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. ! It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.

Rule #10: Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and Sears' Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks."

Rule #11: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook, but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

Rule #12: Tickets to a football game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.

Rule #13: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why, please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule #14: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminium extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #15: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope. No one knows why.

----------

what a man hears when woman talks

What a Woman says:

This place is a mess! C'mon,

you and I need to clean up.

Your stuff is lying on the floor

and you'll have no clothes to wear

if we don't do laundry right now!

What a Man Hears:

blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON

YOU AND I, blah, blah, blah,

blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR

blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES

blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW

german cars

A Message From Mercedes-Benz

We at Mercedes-Benz feel, that members of our UK operations could benefit from knowing certain auto terminology used by your German counterparts. This should avoid embarrassment at our inter-departmental meetings.

Therefore before the next technical meeting please make the effort to read and inwardly digest the following.

INDICATORS-------------------------------------Die Blinkenleiten Tickentocken

SPEEDOMETER-----------------------------Der Egobooster

PUNCTURE------------------------------------------Die Phatte mit Bludyfucken

LEARNER----------------------------------------------Die Twaten mit Elplatt

ESTATE CAR-------------------------------------Die Bagsromm fur Shagginkinauto

WINDSCREEN WIPER------------Die Fippenflappenschittenspredden

FOOTBRAKE--------------------------------------Der Edbangenonvindskreen stoppenquik

BREATHALYSER--------------------------Die Puffintem fur Pistenarsen

SEATBELT--------------------------------------------Der Klunkenklicken Frauleintrapper

HEADLIGHTS-------------------------------------Das Dippendontdazzle ubastud

FOG WARNING--------------------------------Die Puttenfuttendownen Fukit

HIGHWAY CODE----------------------------Der Wipen fur Arsen

TIRES----------------------------------------------------------Phlattfarts

TRAFFIC JAM-----------------------------------Der Bluddinfukkin damnundblasten

BACKFIRE---------------------------------------------Der Lowdenbangen mekkenme Fuckenjumpen

JUGGERNAUT----------------------------------Der Fukkengret trucken

ACCIDENT--------------------------------------------Der Bleedinmess

NEAR ACCIDENT-------------------------Der Fucken neer schittenselfen

CYCLIST--------------------------------------------------Pedalpushen pilloken

REAR VIEW MIRROR---------------Der Yokhunter TooKlosen

For your convenience, here follows a few examples on how to use these expressions in casual conversation:

"Mein Gott, der Klunkenklicken Fraulentrapper hat mein leben gesaved, when der Lowdenbangen mekkenme Fuckenjumpen und on Edbangenonvindskreen stoppenquik gestomped."

meaning........

"My word, I'd be in a bad way had I not been wearing my seatbelt when the backfire caused me to apply a touch too much pressure on my footbrake."

"Das Pedalpushen pilloken hat der Fukkengret trukken's blinkenleiten tickentocken nicht geseht, und so hat ein Fucken neer schittensfelen gelagt."

meaning........

"The cyclist did not see the juggernaut signaling, and caused a near accident."

We trust that this information will make it easier for our UK colleagues to fully part-take in the upcoming discussions on a unified road-system for Europe.

We are particularly interested in the Swedish proposal, of phasing in right-hand drive, in the entire EU area, starting with only trucks and buses on January 1st next year. To be following on with larger cars and vans a month later, and finally moving all traffic over to RHD in time for the summer holidays.

We are looking forward to your continued support,

Mercedes-Benz

http://www.3oddballz.com/humor/gems/germans_say.htm

OREO PSYCHO-PERSONALITY TEST

Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreo's:

1. The whole thing all at once.

2. One bite at a time

3. Slow and methodical nibbles examining the results of each bite afterwards.

4. In little feverous nibbles.

5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...).

6. Twisted apart, the inside, then the cookie.

7. Twisted apart, the inside, and toss the cookie.

8. Just the cookie, not the inside.

9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.

10, I don't have a favorite way because I don't like Oreo.

Your Personality:

1. The whole thing.

This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one should trust you with their children.

2. One bite at a time.

You are lucky to be one of the 5.4 billion other people who eat their Oreo's this very same way. Just like them, you lack imagination, but that's ok, not to worry, you're normal.

3. Slow and Methodical.

You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly. You're very meticulous in every detail with every thing you do to the point of being anal retentive and irritating to others. Stay out of the fast lane if you're only going to go the speed limit

4. Feverous Nibbles.

Your boss likes you because you get your work done quickly. You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do them. Mental break downs and suicides run in your family. Valium and Ritalin would do you good.

5. Dunked.

Every one likes you because you are always up beat. You like to sugar coat unpleasant experiences and rationalize bad situations into good ones. You are in total denial about the shambles you call a life. You have a propensity towards narcotic addiction.

6. Twisted apart, the inside, and then the cookie.

You have a highly curious nature. You take pleasure in breaking things apart to find out how they work, though not always able to put them back together, so you destroy all the evidence of your activities. You deny your involvement when things go wrong. You are a compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behavior.

7. Twisted apart, the inside, and then toss the cookie.

You are good at business and take risk that pay off. You take what you want and throw the rest away. You are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others. You should be ashamed of yourself. But that's ok, you don't care, you got yours.

8. Just the cookie, not the inside.

You enjoy pain.

9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.

Stay away from small furry animals and seek professional medical help -immediately.

10. I don't have a favorite way, I don't like Oreo cookies.

You probably come from a rich family, and like to wear nice things, and go to up-scale restaurants. You are particular and fussy about the things you buy, own, and wear. Things have to be just right. You like to be pampered. You are a prima donna. There's just no pleasing you.

Suspect your boyfren is cheating?

Here are some signs you should look for:

• The car's passenger seat is not in the usual position.
• There are an unusual number of hang-ups or wrong-number phone calls.
• His clothing smells like cologne or perfume.
• The car odometer shows unusual mileage.
• He recently opened another checking account.
• His clothes smell like smoke, and he doesn't smoke.
• He has a post office box.
• Credit card transactions appear for unknown or unusual types of purchases.
• Cosmetics, perfume, or lipstick purchases that you never received are listed on your charge statements.
• There's a sudden increase in toll or long-distance calls.

Source: infidelity.com

jokes

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads:

---------------------------------
Cheese Sandwich $ 1.50
Chicken Sandwich $ 2.50
Hand-J** $10.00
---------------------------------

Checking his wallet, he finds one single 10 dollar bill. He walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks.

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?"

"I was wondering," whispers the man, "Are you the one who gives the hand-j**s?"

"Yes," she purrs, "Indeed I am!"

The man replies, "Well go wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"

hahaha>>>

A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility, but each time he tried, it was occupied. The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendants' ladies' room, but cautioned him not to press any of the buttons.

When he arrived in the attendants' ladies' room, he found four marked buttons, next to the paper rolls:

WW, WA, PP, and ATR.

Making the mistake so many men make of not listening to women, he disregarded what the flight attendant said, as his curiosity got the best of him. He carefully pressed the WW button, and immediately a gentle flush of Warm Water sprayed onto his bare bottom.

He thought, Wow, these gals really have it nice! So a little more boldly, he pressed the WA button, and body temperature Warm Air blew across his wet bottom and dried it comfortably.

Ahhh, he thought, No wonder these women take so long in the bathroom with these kinds of services!

So he pushed the next button, PP, with anticipation. A soft, disposable Powder Puff swung below him and dusted his bottom lightly with talc.

Man, this is great, he thought as he reached out for the ATR button.

When he awoke in the hospital, the morphine was just wearing off. Confused, he buzzed the nurse to find out what had happened. He explained that the last thing he remembered was intense pain in the plane's ladies' room.

The nurse explained, "Yes, you must have been having a great time until you pushed the Automatic Tampon Removal button."

hahaha>>>

Signs that you are drunk
1- You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
2- You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
3- Your job starts to interfere with your drinking.
4- Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
5- The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
6- You sincerely believe alcohol is the elusive 5th food group.
7- 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?!?!?
8- You complain that you have two hands and just one mouth to drink with.
9- Every woman you see has an identical twin.
10- You fall off the floor.
11- The shrubbery around your house is drunk too, from frequent watering.
12- Your idea of cutting back is having less salt with your tequila.
13- Every night, you're beginning to find your neighbor's cat more and more attractive.
14- Roseanne looks good to you.
15- You've fallen and can't get up.
16- You don't recognize your wife unless seen from the bottom of a glass.
17- You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store.

hahaha>>>>

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman for the last three weekends."

Father Donavon asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"

"Yes, Father, 'tis I."

"And who was the woman you were with?"

"I can't be telling you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"

"I cannot say Father, please."

"Was it Patricia Kelly?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Brydie Sharon?"

"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."

"Was it Mary Catherine Morgan?"

"My lips are sealed, Father."

"Was it Fiona McDonald then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend church for three months. Be off with you now."

Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Three month's vacation and five good leads."

---

hahaha>>>

25 Facts about women
1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.

2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.

3. Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand."

4. Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.

5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.

6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.

7. Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.

8. Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.

9. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.

10. Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.

11. Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.

12. Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling.

13. Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an "on/off" switch.

14. Women think all beer is the same.

15. Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rainforest.

16. Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.

17. If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days' worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.

18. Women brush their hair before bed.

19. Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a pretty good idea of how she'll be in bed.

20. Women are paid less than men, except for one field: modeling.

21. Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, "It's there in the Bible." Hmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?

22. Women do not know anything about cars. "Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?"

23. Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share.

24. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

25. Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

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26. Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

27. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.

28. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.

29. Women don't try as hard as men during sex; after all, they don't fall asleep afterwards.

30. Women do not want an honest answer to the question, "How do I look?"

31. PMS stands for: Permissible Man Slaughter. (Or at least men think it means that.) PMS also stands for Preposterous Mood Swings and Punish My Spouse.

32. The first naked man women see is "Ken."

33. Women are insecure about their weight, butt and breast size.

34. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.

35. "Oh, nothing," has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-language.

36. Lewis Carroll's Caterpillar had nothing on women.

37. Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.

38. All women are overweight by definition; don't agree with them about it. Women always have five pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless they really have five pounds to gain.

39. If it is not Valentine's Day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you do?"

40. Only women understand the reason for "guest towels."

41. Women want equal rights, but they rarely want the responsibilities that go with those rights. All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check.

42. Only women understand the reason for "the good china."

43. If a man ticks off a woman, she will often respond by getting a fuzzy toilet cover that warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid to stay up, thus it constantly gets peed on by guys (which gets them in more trouble).

44. Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a flying butt-leap toward the bowl and then chewing men out because they "left the seat up" instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves.

45. Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested.

46. Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?

47. Women fake orgasm because men fake foreplay.

48. It's okay for women to dance with each other and not be gay, but you don't see straight men dancing together.

49. Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out and spend more time out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.

50. The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party. You don't hear men say, "Oh my God, there's another man wearing a black tux, get me outta here!"

hahaha>>>


10. Those who have it would be devastated if it was ever cut off.

9. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.

8. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.

7. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it, a phenomenon psychologists call "E-mail Envy."

6. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.

5. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it mostly for fun.

4. If you don't take proper precautions, it can spread viruses.

3. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

2. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.

And the number one reason why e-mail is like a penis:

1. If you play with it too much, you'll go blind!

hahaha>>>

pick up lines

Pick up lines galore I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day long. (Lick finger and wipe on shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes. Nice legs... what time do they open? Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more? I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big-Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one? I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest women on Earth tonight. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille nametag. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked. Is that a ladder in you stockings or the stairway to heaven? You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions? Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again? Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me. My friend wants to know if youthink I'm cute.